I have been through both despair and hope while reading
the scriptures in Lesson 20. The despair because I am critical of my own
performance as a mother and hope because the Lord listens to me, answers my
prayers, and still loves me. I try to be a good person and, perhaps, this will
offset some of my inadequacies.
The scriptures in Mosiah 25 speak about a grand
gathering, a “General Conference” of all the people: those who had been in
Zarahemla, including the Mulekites who had joined the Nephites; the people of
Limhi, who had recently returned from the land of Nephi; and, the people of
Alma, who had fled during the reign of King Noah. They were read the records of
the people and heard the stories of deliverance through obedience to the Lord.
It must have been an emotional roller coaster for those present. In Mosiah
25:7-11 we read about these emotions: wonder at the records; joy
because of having being delivered from subjugation; sorrow for those slain by
the Lamanites; gratitude for the goodness of God; and, pain at the fallen state
of the Lamanites. I know that emotions can be heightened during conference
sessions. I have experienced this personally when listening to the general authorities
speaking at conference.
In Mosiah
26:1-4 we hear about some of the younger generation, who had
been present when King Benjamin addressed his people, who did not believe. In
verse 3 it reads: “And now because of their unbelief they could not understand
the word of God; and their hearts were hardened.” And, later in verse 4 it
gives a reason for this lack of understanding, that they would not call upon
the Lord their God. This applies to all people, young and old. Understanding
the truths of the gospel requires a willing heart and an open mind. Approaching
the Lord in earnest prayer is the key to opening both heart and mind. After
five years as a Gospel Doctrine teacher, I testify that prayer can reveal truth
and clear up misunderstanding. However, this help is not given automatically.
If you are seeking truth, you need to work for it: study, search the
scriptures, read counsel from the prophets and apostles, and pray with your
whole being.
I love Mosiah 27. We read about Alma the younger and the
sons of Mosiah. These were the children of great men. Alma the elder had been
given the responsibility of setting up churches throughout Zarahemla, yet his
son, Alma the younger, was regarded as one of the most rebellious non-believers
and persecutors of the church. Alma the younger and the sons of Mosiah
flattered the people and led them into sinful paths, they caused arguments and
dissension, and went about secretly to destroy the church. An angel asked Alma
the younger why he was persecuting members of the church. The angel stated that
the prayers of the people and his father had been heard. The boys were so
stunned that they fell to the ground. In verse
16,
the angel admonished Alma and said: “Alma, go thy way, and seek to destroy the
church no more, that their prayers may be answered, and even if thou wilt of
thyself be cast off.” Alma the younger was unable to speak and was so weak he
could not stand or use his hands. He was carried before his father. Alma the
elder knew this miracle had occurred as an answer to prayer. Together with the
priests, he fasted for strength to return to his son. After two days, Alma the
younger stood and spoke. He testified of his conversion. In verse
28,
he stated, “Nevertheless, after wading through much tribulation, repenting nigh
unto death, the Lord in mercy hath seen fit to snatch me out of an everlasting
burning, and I am born of God.” From this time, Alma the younger and the sons
of Mosiah tried to make amends for the destruction they had previously caused
and became staunch missionaries.
The conversion of Alma the younger raises the issue of
parents who are members yet have children who go astray. Elder Orson F. Whitney
of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (1929) said: “You parents of the wilful
and the wayward! Don’t give them up. Don’t cast them off. They are not utterly
lost. The Shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours –
long before he entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them
as he loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and
God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fullness of knowledge brings the
fullness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful,
infinitely more charitable, then even the best of his servants, and the
Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our infinite minds can
comprehend” (Conference Report, April 1929, p. 110).
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| Elder Orson F. Whitney |
I wish I had found this quote when I first started
thinking about the issue of wayward children. I spent a long time reflecting on
my own inadequacies. I realise I have not been a faithful servant. I have
failed my children in so many ways. I do love them with all my heart. I have
always tried to let them know how important the gospel is to me. But, I have
agonised over my part in their current problems. For a long time, I have felt
hopeless and guilty. What made it worse was thinking about the story in the Old
Testament of Eli and his sons.
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| Eli & his sons by Robert Barrett |
Eli was a devoted high priest who served for forty years
as a judge in Israel. He had two sons, Hophni and Phineas. They laboured with
their father as priests in the tabernacle at Shiloh. The sons acted as
mediators between God and His people in their worship and offering of
sacrifices. In Samuel
2:12
it says: “Now the sons of Eli were sons of Belial; they knew not the Lord.”
Belial refers to worthless or wicked, according to the Bible Dictionary. They
were greedy, extorted the best meat from the people, i.e. taking the best for
themselves that was meant for the Lord, and committed immoral acts with women
gathered at the tabernacle. Eli knew what they were doing and confronted his
sons. The sons ignored their father and continued in their evil ways. Eli did
nothing to remove his sons from office. When the army of the Israelites went to
war against the Philistines, the ark of the covenant was taken onto the
battlefield to protect the Israelites. The caretakers of the ark were Eli’s
sons. Hophni and Phineas were killed in the ensuing battle. When Eli received
word that his sons had been killed and the ark had been lost, he fell, broke
his neck, and died.
Eli’s failing was parental negligence. He gave his
boys the freedom to commit serious sins and that negatively influenced many
people. As parents we should teach and correct our children. I have tried to be
Alma the elder in many ways, but I see a lot of Eli in me! I know I have failed
in some ways and I will be held accountable. I have not “corrected” my children
as often as I should have. Especially as a single parent, I have found this
difficult. I am a “wishy-washy” person, a real Charlie Brown. I am soft – my
children call me a “marshmallow”! I cry easily and wear my emotions on my
sleeve. I find it so hard to “get tough”. I have never been tough in my whole life,
and wouldn’t know where to start.
I have tried to set a reasonably good example for my
children and I have always, always testified of the truthfulness of the gospel.
But, at the same time, I never pushed them to have Family Home Evening when
they did not want one. I also never pushed them to attend Seminary. So, by
doing this, I have been guilty of parental negligence. My children know I love
them. They have safety and security. I am there for them no matter what
happens. To see them make the wrong choices is so incredibly painful. Yet I
have not helped them to make wiser choices by being stricter on them for the
choices they do make.
In his talk, When
Our Children Go Astray, by Elder John Carmack (March 1999), we
receive some wonderful hints on how to cope. These include:
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| Elder John Carmack |
- Trust Father in Heaven
- Respect free agency
- Refrain from judging others unrighteously
- Turn to the Saviour and seek the Lord
- Recognise the Spirit and heed promptings
- Never give up
- Take care of yourselves
- Seek help
- Try not to live through the achievements of your children
- Support your prodigal child in wisdom
- Avoid denial and undue feelings of self-blame
- Remember the last human freedom
I also found a remarkable talk by Robin Zenger Baker
called When
a Child Leaves the Church (Ensign,
Feb 2016). I have read this several times in the last few weeks and it has
really given me strength and guidance. Here are some of Robin’s suggestions:
- Learn from others who have struggled – Sariah and Lehi and Adam and Eve dealt with wayward children. “…even righteous families may choose to reject gospel principles. We can gain comfort from the stories of struggling families in the scriptures.”
- Recognise our children are also God’s – We need to focus on the qualities of the child and not allow feelings of guilt and failure to overwhelm us.
- Focus on success - “We need to celebrate the good qualities of our children and the happy moments we shared. We should embrace the principle that our family members are blessed with agency, however they may use it.”
- Adjust our expectations – Children must choose for themselves to receive the blessings of the gospel. Their success and happiness is theirs, not ours.
- Gain insight – Seek solace and perspective in prayer, scripture study, and temple attendance.
- Continue to show love – There are plenty of ways we can show our family members that we love and value them.
- Hold on to hope – Family members often return after a period of wandering.
- Maintain an eternal view – We simply do not know what will happen to our loved ones. “God’s reckoning of time is vastly different from ours.”
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| Robin Zenger Baker |
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